United Kingdom

The Healing (and Sickening) Powers of Bath

by Jason B. on February 15, 2012

Bath, England is one of my favorite places named after a bathroom appliance. (I love it more than Bidet, France, and Toilet, Missouri.) There aren't many times in life where one can put "Roman bath house" and "good clean family fun," in the same sentence, but a visit to Bath is one of them. It's a really cool tourist town about 100 miles west of London. It gets a few million visitors every year, but it's more than just a tourist trap, as it has more than 80,000 residents. Recently, Jennifer and I ventured forth from London to see the famous Roman and Georgian spas.

We took the early train from London to bath. It wasn't a bad trip, only about two hours. I wore my bathing suit under my clothes in preparation (kidding).

We rolled into Bath around 10 a.m. and went straight to breakfast from the downtown train station. The whole city looked like it was designed to be on a postcard, and it's impressive structures and homes implied some serious wealth.

We walked around a bit, soaking in the atmosphere and the January mist, and then headed to the Spa.

Look at the that mist rising. I wanted to see a good Knight kick bad Knights into this on his way to a tower-bound princess so badly. This is the Great Bath.

You can see the ruins of the original Roman columns, but everything above the ground level was constructed in the 19th century, when Bath really blew up as a tourist destination.

The mix of Roman and Georgian architecture is pretty cool. You can see the two different kind of handrails in front of me. The guy next to me is ignoring both of them.

After we left the Spa, we walked around downtown some more. Below is a typical street level view in Bath, although there weren't hot sausage carts everywhere (hey, nowhere is perfect.)

It's pretty easy to get around Bath, although some sites, like the Jane Austen museum, are a good drive away from the center. In spite of this, we still hopped on a tourist bus, which was perfect for cold-weather sightseeing. We used http://www.bathbuscompany.com/ which made getting around very, very easy.

Getting the full tour experience was a good call. There is so much history associated with Bath that it's hard to pick it up piece by piece just by wandering around. Here I am, studying diligently.

We went to the official Bath museum, but when we got there we found that the original Roman Baths, the underground ones, were closed for swimming. We never got a proper explanations for why this was. I was angry since I had been wearing my bathing suit underneath my clothes the whole time (again, kidding. Sort of). The Roman baths had a great deal of the original Roman architecture, and I was really looking forward to relaxing in them. I even brought grapes for Yennifer to feed me while I soaked. Not kidding.

Next we hit up the Abbey Church, which even by English standards, is a pretty impressive old church. The grounds are amazing, and only reinforced my view that the British aristocracy are some of the best lawn keepers in the world. Actually, I guess I should say they employ the best lawn keepers in the world.

We actually had some difficulty figuring out to exit the Abbey Church property.

We left and saw on foot some of the things we saw by bus before, including the oldest house in Bath, which like all really old beautiful historic houses, had been turned into a restaurant and museum.

We found a pub outside the city center for dinner. It wasn't the best place, but it was a classic British pub and it wasn't very touristy. We thought were being authentic. It turns out were were being too authentic, because Yennifer soon came down with a brutal case of food poisoning. 

We were on a bus to Bristol when it really hit. We were going to take a train from Bristol to London, when Yennifer ran to the bathroom to throw up. I was trying to get her back to London, to the relative safety of our apartment, when this really friendly, but kind of annoying, man kept making sure we knew which train we were boarding. He happened to see me looking around trying to figure out where we were going while I was holding Yennifer up as she was bent over in pain. I figured it out in ten seconds, but I guess we must have been a pretty sorry sight because the guy insisted on walking us over to the platform, which we were already running to. We made it just in time, both for the train and Yennifer's digestive system. We made sure we sat next to the train's bathroom.

If only we had been allowed access to the healing powers of the Spa! I wonder if the Romans needed all those bathhouses because of the bad food? Wait, don't answer that.

 

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La Porte de Indes in London is one of the finer Marble Arch restaurants. I took my girlfriend there recently, and we were startled by how quickly we had been transported from dreary winter London to the tropical coast of India, courtesy of one of, if not the best, London Indian restaurants. What makes this gourmet indian london option so different than the other London Indian restaurants? I'd say it's French – Indian fusion and tropical Indian decor.

When you enter, you notice there are Indian artifacts everywhere. God knows how many, because the place is expansive, with many rooms that comprise the main dining area, as well as many private dining rooms as well. You really do feel like you're a guest of some Indian Prince. When a hostess brings you to your table, you almost have to remind yourself that you are in the La Porte des Indes Restaurant, and not the La Porte Des Indes palace.

See what I mean?

 
Did I mention that this was in London? La Porte Des Indes means "Gateway to India." I would not have been surprised to find some sort of tunnel or stargate that did actually lead to India.
 
 
 
We were brought to our table by the host, who was exceedingly gracious and told us about the decor. I tried to listen, but my brain was too busy processing the torrent of visual stimuli around me, so there was little grey matter left to devote to sounds. I did catch that La Porte Des Indes is a part of the famous Blue Elephant group, and that there is another La Porte Des Indes in Brussels.
 
 
 
We got some pre-dinner cocktails. This was my first time seeing star fruit as a garnish. Pictured below is the stirred, shaken, and tossed Tamarind Margarita with tequila, Grand Marnier, and tamarind.
 
 
I felt like I was drinking in Super Mario World. After eating the star, I was impervious to harm for thirty seconds. You can see the Kama Sutra made of black bodka, passion fruit, and cranberry pictured below.
 
 
Since we chose the "Menu Maison" the chef prepared a little bit of everything in a three course meal for £39 per head.
 
The appetizers came in a sort of tapas style. There was a lot of food. We did not regret it.
 
Pictured below are:
  • Parsee Fish: Fillets of sole encased in a mint and coriander chutney and lightly steamed in banana leaves.
  • Demoiselles de Pondicherry: Large juicy grilled king scallops with a hint of garlic in a mild saffron sauce.
  • Murgh Malai Kebab: Chicken tikkas marinated with cream cheese, mace and fresh green peppercorns, grilled in the tandoor.
  • Chard Pakoras: Crunchy green and red chard and water chestnut pakoras with Bengal gramflour, green chillies, coriander, turmeric and caraway seeds.
 
 
We also ordered Naan that came piping hot.
 
 
The Parsee fish blew my mind. Les Porte des Indes menu is Indian, but it's representative of a French Colony in India, a place where French and Creole cooking have been marinating in Indian flavors for generations.
 
 
We went all out with the tasting menu. Look at this amount of food. We even had red and white wine on the table so we could experience all possible pairings and flavors available to us. I have to note that we ordered the food mild. Unlike most restaurants, Les Portes Des Indes followed through on our request.
  • Barra Lamb Chops: Best end of British lamb marinated with caramelised onions and garam masala, served with mint chutney.
  • Poulet Rouge: Chicken marinated in yoghurt and red spices, grilled and served in a creamy sauce.
  • Crevettes Assadh: Prawns simmered in a mild coconut curry with green mangoes, turmeric, chillies and ginger.
  • Saag Paneer: A traditional dish of leaf spinach and cottage cheese sautéed in butter with green chillies and ginger.
  • Rougail D' Aubergine: A speciality of smoked crushed aubergine, chilli, ginger and green lime from Pondicherry.
 
 
You are looking at a very happy man. The waiters you see behind me could not have been cooler, by the way.
 
 
My girlfriend may have actually liked this food more than Colombian Empanadas. Don't tell anyone. You can see her wiping away the delicouous mess the sweet naan bread left on her hands were the warm, moist towels brought to us after we finished the main courses. I also stopped off at the bathroomat this point. The photos of celebrities like Will Smith or Morgan Freeman posing in this very restaurant reconfirmed that I was dining in the right spot. Not that they are culinary critics, but I am sure their Assistant's know the best places. Apparently Justin Bieber ate here last week too.
 
 
Then dessert. No, this wasn't the dessert tray. This was dessert. We got all of this. From chocolate cake to a lassi yogurt influenced dish we really stuffed outselves.
 
 
We may or may not have fought over this. This was right before I stole the Mango dish from her.
 

And then Chai tea to finish it off.

If you love Indian food, and you are in London, try to find your way to La Porte des Indes. It's really something else. As far as gourmet London Indian Restaurant reviews go, this is my last one. I can't imagine finding a better, more extravagant, London Indian Restaurant than this.

Where to find it?

Prices: $$$$
Hours:
Mon-Thu  12–3pm, 7–11pm
Fri-Sat  12–2:30pm, 7–11:30pm
Sun  7–11:30pm
Closest Tube: Marble Arch

32 Bryanston St, London W1H 7EG, United Kingdom

+44 20 7224 0055

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